Saturday, March 10, 2007

This is the End. This is the End? This is?

Donning my fabulous safety gear, glistening helmet and brand new roller skates, I head to the local skate park to show off my skills. As I fly down the street, shouts of envy are hurled in my direction. "Put on some pants asshole!" Everyone is just jealous. As I barrel down the boardwalk towards the skate park, I notice a two men having a lovely picnic by the waterfront. "That's so sweet!" As I make my way closer to the couple, I notice one of the men looks very familiar. "Who is that lad? He looks like someone I-- Vincent!?" As I quickly blade over to the men, my shock turns to anger. "What are you doing Vincent!?" He abruptly turns to me and scowls. "I'm sorry, you couldn't satisfy me anymore, Jeff." Vincent's words chip away ferociously at my heart, as he continues. "So one day when you were shopping for patio furniture, I went to the video arcade and met Lupe Lopez." At this, Vincent and Lupe start to hardcore make-out.

Breathing heavily and in a cold sweat, I suddenly wake. I quickly sit up and glance around the room. Alone. I wipe my heavily perforated forehead. "What a terrible dream!" I proclaim. As I rub my eyes, I hear faint voices in the distance approaching. The voices get closer and louder. I can't make out what they're saying, but I hear lots of lisps. "I wonder who that could be?" I think to myself. Suddenly, with a loud bang, the door bursts open. Standing there before me in the doorway is none other than: Vincent DiBenedetto, AND LUPE.



Could this be the end of Vincent and Jeff!?

Friday, March 9, 2007

Dinosaur PARRRT II.

The humongous beast towered stories over our frail human bodies and unleashed a roar with an unimaginable ferocity. Then Vinny shot it with a crossbow and it died and Vinny and I put on our pajamas and had a sleep-over!



Best birthday ever

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Dinosaur PARRRT I.

Whoosh, whoosh.
The intense swirling of the helicopter blades spin at a seemingly uncontrollable rate.
I look nervously towards the sky. Is today the day?

You see, its Vincent and my first archaeological dinosaur hunting journey since 'the accident'.
In full gear, Vince and I duck our heads as we hop aboard the helicopter. Everything about today feels right. As we fly high over the shrouded jungles of Cambodia, I glance around, feeling the warm tropical wind against my face. Today is the day.

We land 45 minutes southeast of Lao Toa. We hastily grab our equipment and follow Senjun Tsuda, our tour guide, into the nearby village. As we pass the villagers, they tremble with anticipation. We enter our campsite, and immediately get to work. Vincent starts plotting the coordinates, as I start digging.

Four hours pass. Nothing. No dinosaurs.

A bead of sweat drips down my forehead, Vincent licks it off.

We continue to dig, yet we find nothing. Another hour passes. I look to Vincent, his eyes say it all. We will NOT stop until we uncover the mysterious Dragon Dinosaur of Cambodia.
I continue to dig. Overhead, the suns rays beam downward with a ferioucious velocity. Suddenly, a yell from across the campground. "I've got something!" Vincent yells. Without hesitation, I begin running over to where he stands. As I look to the ground, I cannot believe my eyes. A bone. I look to the left, another bone. Oh, so many bones. As my eyes pan back and forth, the flawless exoskeleton of the mysterious Dragon Dinosaur of Cambodia begins to amalgamate. A cold sweat comes over me, this is what my life has been leading up too. Before I know what has happened, I find myself in the arms of my partner, Vincent, celebrating our victory. Suddenly, the discovery of the most important dinosaur in the history of the world seems a little trivial, all I can think about is how comfortable I feel in his arms.

*GROOOWWRRR

The feelings of safety and security diminish in an instant. The sky suddenly turns dark as I feel hot breath on my neck. I feel Vincent tremble as I turn slowly. Standing before my eyes is a 40 foot tall fully erect bone dinosaur. As Vincent picks me up and throws me out of the path of the humongous beast, I am also fully bone erect as well.....




More to come, LATER.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Birth of a Nation, birth of an Undying Love


The year was 1775. The Revolutionary War raged up and down the coast of our homeland, America. The British were intent on keeping us in their power, but aye, we the rebels would have none of that rubbish.

I was merely 18 years old. Just out of grade school and optimistic to the ways of the world. My parents warned my not to join up with the rebels, but I could not stand by and let my country be overrun with Redcoats. America's liberties were at stake, and I, I had to do something about it.

There it was. I quickly etched my signature down on the recruitment paper. The recruiter smiled. "You did good son. You did good, for America." He then handed me a uniform, some musty old boots, and a rifle. I said my goodbyes to mother and father. Mother Magdeline held back tears as she saw me off. I glanced back once, and then marched on towards my destiny.

Dirty black smoke filled the air over the camp ground. Hundreds of rebel soldiers filled the fields in Concord, MA. As I approached them, I noticed most were old men, my fathers age. Wooden teeth, beer bellies, how were we to win the war in this condition? It was then when I first laid my eyes upon the most beautiful man I has ever seen. His lips were a tender rose color. His eyes the darkest maple, and his skin, the softest silk. At first, I could not muster the courage to go and talk to this fine you lad. I sat with some elder rebels and joined in on their conversation about the best kind of figgy pudding. Alas, my heart and mind was not on figgy pudding. It was, in fact, on the young goddess of a man I had seen earlier. The thoughts ran through my mind. Was he single? Does he like boys too? Do I like boys? All these thoughts were quickly snuffed out when I heard a loud boom.

Crackles of gunfire quickly erupted and the shouts of rebels echoes throughout the camp before I could figure out what was going on. Suddenly, on my left, I see a wave of red pouring onto the greens of Concord. Hundreds of thousands of British soldiers coming in waves, I was petrified. I held my rifle, trembling. As I sat there, frozen, I noticed one Red coat advancing on me with his bayonet drawn. I tried to yell but my voice was too horse to call out for help. As my seemingly eminent demise approached, all I could do was pray. Out of nowhere, all I could see was a flash of beautiful hair and a dead Red coat at my feet. I slowly looked up only to find the goddess of a boy standing over me. My hero. My beautiful muscle-clad hero. I could barely udder my name in thanks. He laughed elegantly, and said "Almost got ya there didn't he! My names Vincent." He extended his hand to raise me to my feet. For a moment, our hands touched, it was divine. His warm skin radiated beauty, and I was incredibly aroused. "M--My name is Jeffy." I could barely remember my own name, in the presence of such glory. He laughed as finally, we stood eye to eye. Before we could romantically embrace, a canon explosion sent us both flying through the air. We landed nearby in a hay stack. Vincent quickly made sure I was okay, before going to work on the Red coats. He quickly fired a shot with his rifle, hitting a Commander in the British Army. Blood squirted from his neck as he fell off his horse. Vincent then carelessly threw his rifle away as his shirt ripped off. His well toned muscles glistened in the sun, blinding the Red coat army. Vincent then pulled out his knife. "For America!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. At this moment, he lead a charge with the rebel army towards the British. Left and right, British were being killed. A crackle of gunfire, a British officer goes down hard. Under Vincent DiBenedetto's leadership, the rebels took the initiative. This was the turning point. April 26, 1775. The day that the rebel army defeated the British at Concord Greens will forever be the day remembered as the day the rebels defeated the mighty British.

Soon after, America was formed. Vincent DiBenedetto was the first signature on the Declaration of Independence, and I was there to cheer him on. To this day, we are still together. After the war was over, we spent a lot of time together, mostly making out and taking steamy baths together. And as the years go on, Vincent and I still sit in front of the fire place telling this same story to our grandkids, and to our great grandkids. We titled the story: How we won a war, learned we were both gay, fell in love, and saved a nation.

The End.

Vincent DiBenedetto, IS BACK!

The wait, is over.

The most painstaking week of my life FINALLY came to a close when I saw majestic bearded Vince walk through the front door. He smiled, dropping his luggage to come running over to me. We embrace for what seemed to be a beautiful eternity. All the feelings of despair and hopelessness from the past week washed away in an instant, and once again, I was whole.

Vincent DiBenedetto may leave my side again in the near future, but could never go without leaving an imprint on my heart.

P.S. I am not gay

Sunday, March 4, 2007

My heart is gone, for one week


It's like when you find out you have cancer.
The worst news you could possible imagine.

I got that news when my best friend, lover, and roomate, Vincent DiBenedetto told me that he was going on a cruise for ONE WHOLE WEEK. At first, it seemed like a cruel joke. But when he started packing up his things to take with him, I knew he would be taking my heart as well.

He leaves. Seven days, twenty-three hours and fifty-two minutes until he comes back.

I might not make it.